I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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