We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Randomize
