i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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