The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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