so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
