Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
