the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
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