Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
