by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
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