Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
