i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
