i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
