she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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