Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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