so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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