you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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