yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
