wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
