i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
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