This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
