is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
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