these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Randomize
