Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
