Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
