id be glad to
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
