"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
