Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I would ride that face into the sunset
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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