i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
