apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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