i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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