ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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