Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Randomize
