Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize