I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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