dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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