ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
