just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
