so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
