Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
