You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
