I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Randomize
