Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
