please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
