goodnight i made you a song goodbye
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
