were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
