Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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