i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
