every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Randomize
