i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
