just come out here and I will go home with you...
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
