I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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