I am in a vortex of obligation.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
