you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
