i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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