you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
