i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
i think i just lost a toe
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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