when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
