Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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