Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
