I'm sorry my penis didn't work
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
We have so much sex to catch up on
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Someone signed my nipple.
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