haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
