you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
