There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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