you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
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ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
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I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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