I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
