Too much gin, very little bucket
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
