i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
