she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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